I recieve a gift from my father. Something from him to me, to let me know he's thinking of me. I guess a, "I saw this in the store and thought of you" kind of gift. Two tins of mints with a little bunny on each. The first says, "would you like to suck on a mint? Since you already suck all the time." and the other, "Wow, you're stupid. Would some candy make you feel better about that?" I don't know quite how to take it. People I've talked to interpret it differently. Kathy told me, "Stop laughing, it's not funny." Niki and Rita think it's a bit harsh. Gayle's mom thought it was funny.
It's just strange, since two weeks ago I called mom at midnight, crying about how nothing is right in my life and it hurts. Now he eitherdidn't know, didn't care, or doesn't get the connection.

getting my bearings

had actual mud kicked in my face today, something I never thought I would have to experience at 28 and 38DD.

Kathy's mom spoke my own words to her the other day. Told Kathy that she was sad because she was no one's number one. K responding by telling her that she must know WHY this is so?! Because of the way she treats people, mishandles people and mother-smothers. Does that mean that I am to blame for being alone. That there are inherint flaws in my personality that keep others from putting me first in their lives.

Maybe I misunderstood.