im ready to die.

this can't go on much longer.

pills and a plastic bag.

the notes are written. i cried the whole time, but i don't see another way.

so much debt. i can't even answer my phone. and i can't ask for help. i'm such a burden.

i'm ready.

just have to figure out the time.

i almost want to scream for help, but i can't.

i had a dream about him last night. i woke up and couldn't figure out if it had been real or a dream. it was awful. i went to his house and was hanging out on his couch. i noticed a feminie looking backpack. i asked if he had company. he said he did and i heard crawling around from his loft/bed. he said, "dusty's here". i got up and told him i wanted my shit back. my dvd, my videos and my puzzle ring. he told me to chill out and dusty came down in a t-shirt and nothing else. i told him to get my shit now. he started scrounging around, packing my things in pizza boxes. handed them to me and i walked out. he got in his truck and i started yelling at him. he pulled up next to me. i was screaming that i never wanted to hear from him again. never call me. i don't want to see you. and he was screaming the same things, over my voice. telling me he didn't want to see me, that he didn't love me, didn't want me and what was it going to take for me to get that. i turned around and started walking to find my car. i couldn't find it. two guys asked me what was up. it was the middle of the night and i'm walking the street in a pajama top. i told them i was looking for my car and couldn't find it. i kept walking. said i would walk home. to lawrence, from chicago and western . i headed down western and was freezing and sobbing.

it was so real. in the dream, i woke up in my parents house. they all acted like nothing was wrong and then said that the couldn't find me last night, that i had disappreared. but now here i was.

i need to die soon. this is unbearable.

so lonely. so broken. so in debt.

it hurts to breathe.