i wish peace, love and happiness to everyone i know.
i lit a white candle in the window tonight, the light meant to shine warmth on my loved ones. the white for purity and peace. i pray that warm white light reaches those i love the most. i pray the sight of the candle brings peace to those who see it. i pray that the wind that rolls tonight carry my prayers across the many miles to my family and friends. i pray that the rain that falls tonight cleanses the earth and refreshes those upon it.
my holiday wish list:
to my parents i wish comfort of thought
to my brother i wish abstinence and airplanes
to amy s i wish quiet moments
to amy l i wish forgiveness
to barb i wish creation
to dave i wish market smarts
to egan i wish cheese
to brian i wish, naw you got married, you got your wish...
to tim i wish continued laughter at seniors
to stan i wish happy ports of call
to ryan i wish kindness
to my coworkers i wish a start date
to vinnie i wish bliss, it does exist
to pie i wish open eyes
to toby i wish green acres
to josh i wish better company
to jim i wish i knew
to devin i wish the rapture of first love
to portia i wish continued courage of conviction, and fewer roast beef jokes
to kathy i wish his vacuum worked (and for pictures)
to all else, i wish the beauty of a moment shared, and the appreciation for what we have, for who we are, and for what we can create.
blessed be.
1 comment:
"In Defyment of Good Little Girls"
Go to your ocean.
Go to your alter.
Go to the vastness, the moving cement
Stand, stil, silent, composed, unassuming
Be the model of a good little girl.
Feet together. Hands clasped. Hair coiffed. Face still.
Ask no questions.
Expect no answers.
then...then...then....
Lift the face to the sun.
Lift the soul to the moon.
Lift the arms to the sky.
Lift the questions to the universe.
Let your black hair dance in the wind
Becoming tangled and untidy,
Becoming wild and unpredictable.
Let your feet part to steady you...
The next steo requires more than a prim-and-proper stance.
Then... Then...Then....
Let the moment become, create, engulf, envelope, enrage, compose, endear, captivate, surround, entomb, succomb, be.
And in the moment before....
The moment before
The moment before
The moment before
Feel it
Feel the scars screaming and burning with anger to be remembered.
Feel the bruises banging and resurfacing, begging not to be let go.
Feel the pills becoming again, reminding you of all the good times you had together.
Feel the anger, our old friend, growing and demanding his black place in your life.
Then...Then.... Then....
Suck in the air.
Suck in as much air as you can.
Gulp, drink, sup, hoover, vacuum, grasp, gasp, make
Bring in the air and feel again.
Feel every grain of sand around you dancing for the moment about to be.
Feel the universe cringe, scared of the mighty about to exist.
Feel the ocean prepare, moving faster - getting ready.
And when the world has seen, complied, accepted, the unthinkable -
Then... Then... Then....
TENSE
The hands turn to fists.
The toes curl.
The stomach contracts.
The body clenches
As you double-over in a scream
As you release all the anchors
As you defy the Good Little Girl
As you pronounce, enunciate, yourself
As you SHOUT:
"I DEMAND MORE!"
then... then... then...
release.
Off into the ocean the new words tumble.
Off, away, go the pills, the blades, the pains, the angers, the discomfort, the rules, the scars, the bruises -
Away - away - to your sister, mother, aunt, goddess, god, friend, omni-woman
Thrown carelessly - but deliberately into the water
The words fly across the white virgin waves
And become separated.
The anchors are churned into the ocean -
moving, swimming, dancing, resisting.
Through the ocean, down - down - down -
As anchors are meant to do.
The ocean moves them quickly, carefully
Not to lose one - they must remain together.
They fall, are pushed, in the dark, cold, murky depths
To Titanic.
To Atlantis.
To lost hopes and loves.
To giant epic herculean creatures
To the depths we have not yet found
And there they find their final resting place
Alone, scared, without their house, on the ocean floor
A million miles away from the warm, comforting inviting body they once knew.
They are no longer needed, wanted, expected, invited.
They are exiled.
The other words - the strong words
Fly with the help of the waves and seals -
Fly across, away, beyond -
To all the corners and back again.
The wind, the water, the breathe, the words -
They all come together to announce -
To Announce
To Announce
To Announce
SHE Has Arrived,
She has become.
She has created.
She has existed.
She has expected.
She has wanted.
And now.
And now.... And now.... And now.....
SHE has DEMANDED!
The Good Little Girl is gone forever -
The rule-follower, the kindness-creator, the constant-supporter, the no-questions-asker, the take-what-you-can-getter, the don't-speak-unless-spoken-toer
She has been replaced
Her definition has not yet been made.
She is clean - she is clear - she is new - she is glowing - she is beautiful.
She thrust off her platinum cross-to-bear
And released herself from the ever-present, ever-constant, ever-teasing, ever-taunting, ever-demanding rules that never gave her what she asked.
She is new - she has demanded - she has questioned.
She has become anew.
Her "more" is coming. Flying, soaring, winging
But the moment is over now - the sounds of the day have re-entered her mind.
She has things to do....
But the world has forever been dented by her -
Her and her mighty thrusting scream.
Her platinum encased Box of Bad lies entombed -
And soon....
And soon.... And soon.... And soon.....
Her "more" will come
Of that she is secure -
The world, skies, universe, beings
Noticed her today - heard her for the first time today.
A Good Little Girl died today.
A strong, demanding, wild-haired goddess replaced her.
And to this goddess, this Helen-of-Troy, this undefined enigma, this glowing radiant being-
To HER
The Universe must comply....
It has always been so with goddesses.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Lovely.....
Do this for me and you....
We'll both be better off for it.
-Egan
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