Boundaries Revisited

so, a couple weeks ago there was drama. i was reading information about infantilism at work, a client asked what it was, i explained in the vaguest way possible without giving any real specifics about how it related to my life. the next day my boss confronts me and tells me that this was a huge boundary violation but that there seemed to be no harm done.

well, that client talked with me tonight and i found out somethings i hadn't known before.

that morning when my relief had arrived, she saw what the client was reading. after i left, she proceed to have a conversation with this client. during the course of the talk, my coworker said things like, "she goes out with a lot of guys and sleeps with all of them. i hope to god she uses protection" and "she's into some really wierd things, like this whole baby fetish thing with her new boyfriend".

the client told me, "she was telling me things that i had no idea about. i mean, i just thought this was some guy you knew, not someone you were dating." i just laughed.

she then told me that the coworker had gone to my boss and relayed all this info to her, that i had been using the office computer to look these things up and print them off and that this was incredibly unprofessional and that i had crossed major boundaries with giving the client this information. that i was divulging my personal life to the clients. (i hadn't. i had talked to my coworker, which was why she had the information. my coworker passed it on to the client believing that i had told the client the same things i had told her.)

whoa.

turns out that my boss and the coworker then went to the client, in her room, and talked to her. asked her if she felt like she needed to process this, if she was upset. told her that it was absolutely wrong for me to 'give' this info to the client. the client stopped them and said, "she didn't give it to me, i asked for it. she was trying to understand something about her boyfriend evidently, according to ___(my coworker's name)".

my boss tells her, "sarah doesn't have boyfriends, she has 'guys she knows'". the client was incredibly uncomfortable, felt responsible for the mess and was scared that she was going to get me in trouble. thing is, most all the boundaries that were crossed and the unprofessional information about my personal life that was relayed was relayed to the client by THEM! by my boss and coworker. the client HAD NO IDEA UNTIL THEY TOLD HER!

and the things they were saying! wow, they must not respect me at all!

she also mentioned that my boss had seen me talking to this client one night and thought that i was talking about a date. i had exposed a scar on my stomach and my boss, not knowing what was going on or the topic of the conversation misread the events and felt that this was way too much info about me and my personal dating life to be given to the client. the client said, "what are you talking about? she's never talked to me about a date. we were talking about my surgery. she's had one too. i showed her my scar and she showed me hers from the same surgery." once again, it seems that all the information spilled about me, was coming from the people who were afraid i was giving out that information.

i laughed again. i was so hurt and confused and betrayed and yet amused at the same time. i laughed. i smiled so the client would know that i was okay with it. because, i really am. i didn't do anything wrong. they fucked up.

the client then asked, "so, when's your last day?" information that hadn't been made public yet. but she always knows. i told her that i wasn't sure, that nothing was solid and that i would likely continue to work at the house as relief. she said, "you know sometimes i just want to yell, 'run bitch, get out of here' and other times i don't want you to go, and i'm scared you'll leave. you're the one who gets it."

mind you, this is not the client that usually spends hours talking with me.

so, i crossed some boundaries tonight. i gave her my opinion on her situation (as she presented it to me) and gave her suggestions on how she might handle it.

i didn't tell her that i'm going to domme for some guy to get a couch and cash. i didn't tell her about the guy i diapered. i didn't tell her anything about me. not really. well, i told her that i loved them and that i didn't want to leave completely because i was so excited about seeing them grow, and that i cared about how thier lives were lived. she talked to me for 2.5 hours about her fears of returning to the hospital. she talked to me about where she wants to be, and about not wanting to be at the house, feeling like she wasn't getting what she needed. she talked about a medical facility in portland that might better suit her. she talked to me about her isolating and feeling really misunderstood and misread. she talked to me about not being able to talk to anyone about this stuff.

i told her that all she had to do in life was take care of herself. and that she had resources that wanted the best for her, that she should use them.

and in those words, she knew i was disclosing personal information. that i needed to take care of myself, that i had other resources and i was finally going to use them. and in those words, she saw that i would never suggest to her something that i didn't actually belive to be true. something that i wouldn't do myself.