away

i've been away
i've been here but i've been away
even moments when i should be most here
i've been away.
away from my passion
away from my desires
away from my heart
i've been away.
but here
while i wait for him to arrive
while i wait for him to come to me
while i wait for him to stray away
i'm here.
and here's a tricky place to be
be with him
be without him
be beside myself without him.
because he isn't with me
he may not even like me
the essesence of me
the person
aside from the body.
and there's no way to know
no good way to ask
without sending him thinking
and sending him running
away.