hitching

there's no peace in this decision
no lifting up no softening,
in place is a heaviness
that hitches my breath
and makes it hard to breathe.
this isn't what i want now
this isn't what i deserve
this isn't a path i need tread,
strangled and stayed
and still nowhere
but to a hitch in my breath
and a slip in my step.
there's no quiet adoration
no looks i can't escape
no hands that stroke me lovingly
and leave me panting til dawn
only a heaviness on my chest
above an empty space
where someone elses heart should be.