it was how i said it, and what i said, and i knew it was wrong with the very first "fine", but it doesn't change what i meant behind it.
we were talking. she was trying so hard to build me up because i get so buried under. and she was trying to show me what i blind myself to in myself.
we were commiserating on what we are lacking, or rather, what is lacking in our relationships with others, and not in a blameful way, but in a realization way.
and she, she is the most to me. she is the strongest person i know. she is the fire in our relationship. and i, i am the moon. the cool and distant moon.
she screams. she lets you know.
i still. i secret.
i am so afraid of upsetting others for fear of losing them that i frustrate them to no end.
more than anything... more than anything, i want to be my own. i just don't know who that is anymore. and, frankly, i'm not sure that i, or anyone else, would like me if i could figure out who that is.
1 comment:
The only one you CAN be is your own. Whether or not others like you isn't the point--there is only one you, on the earth for a special purpose. If you try to be a different "you" to please others... doesn't seem like you could ever move forward in that mode.
If she is truly a friend... seems like she is a good mirror to help you discover who you are. "Trying to build [you] up"? Maybe you are built up, but are afraid face how good you are, and all the responsibility that goes with being a competent, loving, good person.
You might be a whole lot less complicated than you think. If you frustrate her, might be time for a simple "sorry."
The Advisor has spoken. (Written.) Take what resonates, and forget the rest.
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