dating turns out to be the last thing in the world I enjoy. yes, it falls far behind jumping off the building and landing on a bicycle with no seat. feels about the same. there's exhilaration in the jump, the fall, the breathlessness and anxiety. but the landing...that's pretty much the wake up call and it sucks.

3 dates in the last month. one, kristian, wants to be friends (i think). he has a stellar ability to live life in a constant state of ambiguity. two, kevin, is looking for his ideal woman. guess what? i'm not it. and this guy, he was the one i actually liked, could see hanging out with and getting to know. so, of course, i wasn't for him. the third, i don't remember his name, but really just a grown up frat boy into extreme frisbee or something.

now, 8 hours at festivals this weekend, wandering the city through a maze of people. music festival should have been a playground for long-haired boys. book fair, well, not much difference. not a bite. not a word. not a smile. not a hint of interest from anyone but a 50ish man, drunken and creepy.

a singer, strong eyes, sumptuous voice, (and without a doubt) flowing hair. my inhibibtions and fears of rejection kept me too far away. there may have been a smile in there, but i couldn't tell for sure. day two at the festival and i worked up the courage to walk by and congratulate them on their sound. he was courteous, kind, and for all intents and purposes, uninterested.

wanda may have been right, that i can be intimidating. i tend to give off a 'don't talk to me' thing, because i don't know how to talk to them. i seem to have lost the nack for flighty, flirty, foolish conversation and lash batting.