i nearly lost a friend yesterday.

niki came over to watch a movie, then left for dinner. 30 minutes later i took tig out for a walk. i noticed people staring up at the building, but didn't want to be one of the gawkers, so i walked on, only glimpsing. there was a slim, white figure at the top of the building. ethereal looking really, with the exception of a dark mass in the middle of it. i walked. the crowd grew. i looked again and thought it couldn't be. on my way inside i passed a man on the street holding a cell phone at his side and his eyes to the roof. i asked if anyone had called the police, and he said no, and i suggested he do it. i went in and grabbed my own phone to call niki and rita, but there was no answer. outside, someone asked me, do you think she'll jump? i said i didn't know, that i was trying to figure out if it was my friend. an officer arrived at her side, climbed over the fence and grabbed her. NO was screamed and she buckled, but was safe.

i ran to their apartment, no answer at the door, but it was unlocked. i waited. rita arrived and told me niki had gone to the roof, i said i knew. she said she couldn't find her keys, i told her to go, that i would look for them. i searcher her bag 4 times and never saw them.

i didn't know where to be. with them, my house, their house. i was so lost. i knew what it must have been to watch me go through the same things. it brought back every time i had thought of climbing over that same fence.

she's safe, she's admitted. i talked to rita for a couple hours this morning. she kept looking to me for answers, but i don't really have any to give. i can explain parts of my own attempts and how niki might have been feeling, but i don't know. as long as i can concentrate on her and what she needs, this wont hit me too hard for a while.